Searching for:  Home.

I started searching as a teenager.  Chasing an elusive feeling brought on by reading mostly fantasy novels.  Unfufilled, I moved on to Arthurian Legend and archaic medieval and Celtic texts.  I thought that if I dug long enough, or far enough back in time I'd capture that feeling.  Mystical and magical, sure, but it was all either long past or too absurdly fictitious.  I moved on to Paganism, obselete religio, Eastern religions, and Classical mythology and found traces of what I was looking for scattered here and there.

I decided that maybe I needed to GO to the places where people were feeling these things.  And so I went to the Glastonbury Tor, Stone circles, Stone Henge, Tintagel Castle.  All were ruins... the feeling wasn't there... only ghosts.

Maybe I needed to study life?  I went to pubs in Ireland and England and Wales.  I went to a thatched cottage by the sea in Cornwall. I listened to loud music and local culture and stories.  Hoping there'd be something in the sad melodies weeping out of those penny whistles or in the glint in that old local's eye...
and there, again, were traces.

I went to ancient/holy Native American sites, Central American ruins and cities, and burial grounds both new and old.

Saw the book of Kells, became an Antiquarian and worked with old and rare books... nothing.

Maybe Newage philosophy and music.  Maybe organics, hands-on living/getting back to the earth was the answer...
I moved to the Mountains, sat in the desert, ran 10ks, practiced yoga and meditation for 2 hours a day... 
something started to unravel... but always recoiled.

Then I thought maybe I needed to move back to the town where I grew up and travel those roads again... see the lake again. 
... I was getting close...

One day I sat at the kitchen table with my then 2-year-old daughter.  She was eating Costa Rican beans and rice, wearing mismatched clothes, and was filthy from head to toe.  The December sunlight caught her hair just right and I saw her.  Really saw her.  Then that same light shined on me and there I was.  Finally.  Moments later, I realized I wasn't looking for "home" anymore. Home was here, in me, all along.  It's otherwise unattainable, but is everywhere you are at the same time.

"Your home is in the here, and now"  -Thich Nhat Hanh

Costa Rican Beans and Rice is one of our favorites and was a favorite first "real" food for both of my girls when they were babies.